Monthly Archives: January 2016

Best Grandma, Ever

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This was written years ago and edited early in 2022.  On December 10 of 2022 after a seven month struggle with an unusually rare illness, Joyce passed away.  This coming Valentines Day would have been our 49th wedding anniversary in our 50 year journey together.

Let us talk about grandmas

Let’s talk about grandmas. I was fortunate. I had four of them who shaped my life. My mom’s mom Orthello Fout; her mother grandma Riegle; my dad’s mom Leonora Stuber, and my grandfather Jonathan Fout’s mother Sara Elizabeth James.

Sara James
Sara James

Great Granny James outlived them all, passing away well over 112 years. She was a card, telling it like it was, a single working mother like Rosie the Riviter who rolled cigars for work and made bathtub gin when unemployed. She could see through all the bull crap.

Leonora Stuber
Leonora
Stuber

Grandma Stuber was blind and crippled due to diabetes. She “saw” me by feeling my face with her soft wrinkled fingers. She was the first person to die in my life. I was six. It was traumatic for me as it was the first and only time I saw my father cry. He was named after her, as I was named after him, as one of my daughters was named after them.

Riegle
Riegle

Grandma Riegle kept chickens. I helped butcher 30 of them, shortly before she passed.

Orthello Fout
Orthello Fout

My favorite was Grandma Fout. My mom’s mom lived three doors down from me for the first six years of my life. Then she lived three blocks away for the rest of her life. This is the person I knew as grandma. I see her still in my daughter Leona. The long red outta control curly hair, the freckles that covered her body, the optimistic “let me do that. I can do it” attitude.

One grandma set the standard

Orthello baby sat us, and often just came over to pick us up (and sometimes mom) just to drive us everywhere. We fished at the quarry in Dunkirk, Ohio, off the Blanchard River or the banks of Lake St. Mary’s. Sometimes we’d go visiting Grandma Riegle, Aunt Pat, Viola, or others. Sometimes we’d go window shopping, or actual shopping at Goodwill in Kenton. We’d go strawberry picking down the railroad track. Sometimes we’d drive with no destination in mind. She was a big part of our life. She died when I was 10 in 1963. I still tear up when we sing old rugged cross in church because I learned to sing her favorite song while sitting on her lap. What can I say. I had some awesome grandmas.

One grandma exceeded the standard

Unfortunately, my wife, born Joyce Kay Brown, never knew her grandparents. They were all long dead before she was born. Many times I have felt so sorrowful for her missing out on this joy. She did get to know and love my granny James. But I am sorrowful no more. While she did get to see her parents become grandparents, it’s hardly the same. But with such little experience she has become the best of the best.

That’s right. Having seen six grandmas and four grandpas in action up til 1992, I can truly say that since that time when Joyce became a grandma she is truly the best I have known.

Latest granddaughter, Annabelle agrees. Mamaw is the best!
Latest granddaughter, Annabelle agrees. Mamaw is the best!

Excuse me: Mamaw. She would never be called grandma. Maybe it’s the sheer volume, having been mamaw to twenty-five grandchildren and seven great grandchildren.  With experience like that you got to get good being grandma.

More likely however it is because she has a child’s attitude. Like my grandma Orthello, Joyce concentrates on the fun things to do with her grandkids. And sometimes they treat her more like a playmate than a parent (pseudo-mom). But she also taught them life skills like sewing, knitting and crocheting almost a lost old-school talent.   She was fierce with anyone who might harm them and loved them with a gentle humor they have all embraced. And she taught them cleaning skills passed down from her own mother:  when you clean, no half-measures  everything in the room gets moved to sweep under or behind.

Another factor, which started with her own mother, is that she puts their interests first. No matter where she is, her eyes go to the thing that one of the grandchildren “would just love. We have to get this.” More often than not, we do.

It appears that Papaw’s Rule (“When we go in the store we don’t ask for anything, or, you’ll go to the car until I’m done.”) is meant to be overruled perpetually by Mamaw when she is with us.

While I always tell people that my grandchildren are my toys and that I am their favorite plaything: I know the truth. That is why kids go to “GRANDMA’s house,” and not “Grandpa’s house.” Although it is cool that he lives at Grandma’s house too. It’s the way of the world. I have no chance here.

I must admit, watching all of this with fascination, that my grandma Orthello was ALMOST this good. However, I will admit that Joyce is the best grandma (oh, excuse me) Best Mamaw, ever!

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America Should Resist Revisionist History

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What’s wrong with revisionist history

image
Aside from the obvious moral dilemma that happens from out right distortion of established truth, there are other reasons to oppose revisionist history.

Let’s define what we mean

First let’s define what we are talking about. History as we usually define it means the linear passing of time established by a record of facts by persons or their contemporaries usually through witnessed observations often written or otherwise recorded along the line of the lifetime of those participants.

Can actual history be distorted? Yes. People lie, or simply ignore certain truth in their oral, written, audio, video or otherwise recorded timeline.

But I would argue, is it a lie, if EVERYONE in the time line acknowledges the events of that timeline regardless if facts are hidden or otherwise ever brought to light in any lifetime? Kind of like the old expression: if a tree fell in the woods and nobody heard it, did it make a noise? Most people might say it did (because in a world of natural science past observance says it does occur). However, we don’t know how it fell, or why. Or if it fell at all. Maybe it was pushed over by a great gust of wind, or pushed by a bear, or by too many raccoons hanging off one side. I would argue all of that is irrelevant. But revisionist historians try to “re-invent” history from known facts, by speculating on ‘irrelevant’ questions by interjecting speculative answers into the timeline based on their own thoughts, opinions or experiences.

Thus they will answer when the tree fell or was pushed and all the noises in the forest at the time. More, they will speculate on how it was first planted there and all the unseemly things that perhaps transpired upon it during its growth.

imageAnd while the story may seem natural, possible and maybe even probable; there are no facts. Except that MAYBE something similar happened to another tree somewhere else that was observed and seems like it COULD have happened to that tree too.

The problem with revisionist history is that often it is contrary to observed factual history. But, unfortunately it makes it into recent history and primary school books anyway. Some times by “adding” unverified facts. More often by just deleting known facts (or by “re-interpreting” them to fit revisionist beliefs).

Now that we have our definition of both history and revisionist history let’s look at the BIG problems behind revisionist history.

The BIG picture gets repainted.

imageThe biggest problem I see is that the BIG picture changes. It’s not like painting in a new tree in the foreground of a previously painted nature scene (although that would be bad enough). It’s more like painting over a nature scene and turning it into a moon or other planetary landscape. By that I mean, if you ‘re-paint’ the life of one person, a domino effect occurred where other people in that lifeline are now cast in new roles and new motives are applied to everything in their surroundings. While speculation is fine, it should never alter the original big picture without absolute concrete facts to back it up. When one picture is totally repainted it changes the rest of the story in that book.

It’s not about you

Generally, this is behind revisionist history. Our current disillusionment, disappointments, bad experiences and attitude and temperament colors our world. We have a tendency to paint the past as we see the present. Even if our view of the present is distorted. It’s how we make sense of the world. Suddenly we see bravery as just selfish opportunity, self-sacrifice as a corruptive need of priorities. It couldn’t actually be bravery or self-sacrifice, that’s not the world we live in. We make the past about us. We make it ALL about us.

Change the past, change the future.

Smarter writers than I have theorized this. Verne. Wells. Asimov. Clarke. Spielberg. In their stories the protagonist tried to alter the past to prevent a horrible future. We don’t have any real world experience to test that theory. But if it were true, then could this corollary be true? If we ‘revision’ history does it explain a horrible present? But there is another principal at work here: those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. If we revise history to the place where it is no longer real, we can’t learn necessary lessons. When we don’t know the difference between truth or conjecture how do we know what mistakes to avoid?

An all clean or an all dirty America

Our need to rationalize our beliefs sometimes make us want to scrub our version, sanitized to our perception of reality. More often than not, we fall into two opposing camps: a completely utopian America or a completely corrupt one. Thus our revisions of history must fit both our narrative and our perception. The real problem is: neither version is real.

Even atheists and agnostics could learn a good lesson from the Bible here. The Bible declares that all have sinned, none are good. Then the Bible ‘proves’ this by showing that every good man in the Bible made horrible mistakes, terrible crimes and failures. Every man. (Jesus was not a good man. He was a good God.) Then these ‘bad’ men, did impossibly good things when they turned to a good God who empowered them.
Now if this is true, then each of us have the power to great harm or great good depending upon how we are empowered. That means American history is filled with great good and great bad. If we scrub away the bad, we are doomed to repeat it, as we won’t learn the lessons those consequences teach us. If we ignore the good we lose the hope that those bright spots inspire. Instead of conjecture we should read, absorb and teach history the way it simply comes down to us: the good, the bad, the ugly. An acquaintance of mine used to say it this way: “Warts and all.” Then, neither us, nor your children or grandchildren will fall prey to ignorance. And, maybe, just maybe can be empowered for good.

If we are going to error, error for tradition

As I said when I first began this essay. People can lie. Maybe some of the history that has come down to us has some truth hidden away from our sight. It is still not right that we speculate on that nor look for other motives. We teach what we KNOW. If we do error, let us error on the side of hope. Not that we accept error, or untruth. But that we trust what has come down to us is what was meant to come down to us, purposefully, justly, maybe even divinely. Until, or unless more clarifying truth comes down to us in the natural course of our own history, let’s error on the side of what is, rather than what might be.

Do unto others

imageYou’re no villain. Yet. I mean my grandfather was full of humor, loved a good practical joke. But he was no clown. He was deputy sheriff and coordinated a rescue in one of Ohio’s deadliest train wrecks. He was a serious, sober hard working man. But of what little was written of him during his lifetime, (some of the best funny moments) some of his great grandchildren thought he must have been a clown. You are no villain (although I’m reasonably sure you and I have made mistakes like the ‘good’ men previously noted in the bible). You might leave a great legacy and pass down noble works. But in only a handful of generations an inspired revisionist could turn all your good intentions on their ear with his explanation of the psychology of your motives. Your name could be passed down in the company of great villains. This is why we should not allow this in our lifetime. Let established fact be our witness in our lifetime, and let us hold that regard for those in our past. Hopefully a future generation will do so as well. Again, you are no villain. Yet.

Fiction or non-fiction

imageSeems like these days, the entertainment consumer doesn’t know a difference. NBC aired the series “The Bible” and continues a new series called “The Bible A.D”. With the Bible translated into more than a thousand versions and languages, you would think that the writers would only have to interject some occasional dialogue to present the greatest story ever told. But anyone who has watched theses shows and has even a simple ‘Sunday school’ understanding of the material has scratched their heads and said “What!!?!?” At any of the episodes. Going way beyond speculation and interjecting whole new narratives, most completely contrary to God’s written word. The defense is always, “it was added for its entertainment value. We were trying to add some drama.” (Or realism, or conflict, or add any other creative word that comes to mind) They will usually end with: “it’s basically the same story we just added to it.” Real Christians know the real story, and wince, or laugh, or turn the tv off. The problem is, the Biblically ignorant think they have been fed real scripture. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to correct professing believers who got their whole doctrine not from the Bible, but from a movie, TV series or TV commercial ad (remember the Orville Reddenbacher popcorn commercials of the woman at Heaven’s gate. “And what did you do in your lifetime to deserve getting into Heaven?” I’ll bet a few readers here don’t know the answer to that question is ‘nothing we have done deserves getting into Heaven’. Hint: it is a gift of God, and that not of ourselves lest any man should boast.) and this is what revisionist history does to our country: feed confusion, muddle motives, speculate ‘facts’, and distort the big picture. Worse. In three generations you can have three genuinely held yet oddly contradicting versions of the same historical ‘facts”, further widening the generation gap. I genuinely believe this is partially responsible for the widening disparities in this country presently in its views on politics, race, gender, and social history. Many, many ‘experts’ presenting widely diverse revisionist histories on the same events. Maybe in this case histories might be the wrong word; ‘opinions’ might be the better word. Opinions these days seem to carry as much weight as fact. As I said, much of our current generation can’t separate fiction from non-fiction nor history from ‘interpretation’ (opinion).

It’s just bad form

If no other argument stands, then let this one. We don’t let bullies run rough shod. We don’t let the loudest shout down the meek. We don’t base equality on race or wealth. If we let anyone, without provable facts, change the noble history of those before us, who cannot stand and defend themselves in the present we have allowed the bad guy his win. This is bad form. As a nation we are better than this.

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No Christian Should Play the Lottery

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With the Powerball Lottery eclipsing $700 million and likely to be over $900 million by this coming Saturday I would like to remind people that No CHRISTIAN should play the lottery. No. Not one dollar. Not 50 cents. And I’d like to give you the top six reasons why:

1. God Abhors Greed

It appears at least twice on his top five list of abominations. God does not have a problem with risk. Often he expects us to take chances. One of Jesus’ own parables of the talent shows the principle of investment and reward. But gambling and the lottery in particular is one of real heinous evil. You see, God expects us to lean on him to meet our needs. When we lean on our own understanding, or skills, or means, or worse: the way of the world. Well, God has a real problem with that. He calls it greed. Are you ‘trusting’ in him, or ‘chancing’ on the world? In another of Jesus’ parables he tells of the wealthy and prosperous man who says to himself, that he has done well, his barns overflow, so tomorrow he will tear down the smaller barns and build bigger ones to hold everything still in the field. Jesus says, God said, fool tonight you will die. That I don’t think was a judgement as much as poor planning and irony. What good does wealth do you if you are dead? If he had consulted God on his decision, God already advised him what to do. In fact at that time even poor struggling farmers were required by God to leave some of their crop in the fields to feed the poor who could not farm. God has a problem with greed with those ‘rich’ who acquire more than they need. Ignoring God’s instruction is like sticking a finger in his eye. Or putting fingers in your own ears. La la la, I’m not listening to you I’m doing things my way. Your way keeps me struggling, leaves me hungry sometimes – or might! I’m not listening la la la la. Worse. Even if you only spend $1.00 in this evil greedy world idea of wealth that is $1.00 you DIDN’T spend doing good. Not that I believe all good Christians actually tithe ten percent, let alone $1.00 a week. But that $1.00 furthered Satan’s end (more on this later).

2. Obedience is better than sacrifice

The priest Samuel told King Saul this as God stripped away the King’s title and gave it to his servant David. I hear people all the time say: “If I won the lottery I’d keep ten percent and give away to God 90 percent like a reverse tithe.” Sometimes I hear this: “I’ve prayed about this, and I think God wants me to do this.” Or maybe a corollary: “if I win, then I will know God really wanted me to win that money.” (It’s not the God you think. More on this later). We rationalize and justify our sins. The ridiculousness of this is easy to see if we substitute sins. “Even though I sell my body for $1,000 a night, I only keep $100. I give $900 away to feed and clothe the poor.” “I’ve prayed about this and I think God wants me to leave my wife for my lover.” “If I get away with it, it isn’t a sin, otherwise God would have got me caught!” Intentions. Good intentions are only good if God thinks they are good. God calls gambling and greed evil. No money gotten sinfully will God accept back as sacrifice or offering.

3. Who is not with me is against me

Somebody once argued with me that Wicans who practiced Good “White” magic were actually doing God’s will. I reminded them that God said, those who did not obey me, serve Satan. There is no middle ground. If you ever hear, or say, “What I am doing doesn’t hurt anybody. . .” This is just another excuse that normally means, anybody HUMAN. The hurt is usually aimed at a Divine Creator who has already instructed not to do this. So let’s not fool ourselves. We serve our own carnal needs, the lust of the world and certainly Satan when we do that which God clearly tells us not to do: God calls it sin.

4. That you might have life and more abundantly

The Christian life is not a series of don’ts. Real Christian’s live lives of abundance. Even without mammon (money, the wealth of the world) they don’t die of starvation, they have peace of mind that lets them sleep, find joy in simple things, and are grateful for everything. Their trials end in victory, their misery is shortened, their hope eternal, and no money in the world can replace these things. God gives more benefits than the lottery can. Leaning on him, he surprises us with gifts we don’t deserve, and we share them generously with family, friends and the world.

5. The wages of sin is death

Sin pays generously. Too bad it’s only for a season. And the thought of a $900 million payout for something you only paid $1.00 for seems like a heavenly dream. Certainly the world paints a beautiful picture of it. The slick commercials show us dream lives elevated out of obscurity with the catch phrase: “you must play to win”. After all, if they say, “Win and risk and possibly lose everything you love!” Won’t sell lottery tickets. In the late fifties a book was published titled, “And the Winner Is. . .” And it told the tragic story of the first fifty winners of the New York lottery, the first million dollar lottery in the country. Yes. Tragic. Without exception the lives of the first fifty winners in this true story were ruined. Everything you can imagine. Spouses, held together by struggling together, split over cash. Many starting great feuds with friends and family over money. Overindulgence in everything from alcohol to drugs to spending to sex destroyed, even killed many. Doesn’t take too much imagination to envision that now. Setting our own “good intentions” aside, we know ourselves. If we had the money to do ‘anything’ – the problem is we would. Often my prayer includes this line, “Thank you Lord for protecting me today from me.” God says, all have sinned. In another place that the heart of men is desperately wicked. No matter what good you can imagine that money would do, what hardships it would cover or what obscurity it might spare you from: the money will destroy everything you hold dear. It was not given to you divinely. God tries to protect you from temptation and evil. If you win, it is a gift from what the bible calls “the god of this world”: Satan.

If you don’t believe this, let me tell you about the last big Powerball winner who is like me a West Virginian, a Christian, father and grandfather.

from Wicepedia:

“Andrew Jackson “Jack” Whittaker, Jr.(born c. 1947 in Jumping Branch, West Virginia) is the winner of a 2002 lottery jackpot. When he won US $314.9 million in the Powerball multi-state lottery it was, at the time, the largest jackpot ever won by a single winning ticket in the history of American lottery. After winning the lottery, he had several brushes with the law, as well as personal tragedies.”

Personal tragedies? After an extramarital sexual “purchase” gone wrong (where he also lost $250,000) in a briefcase stolen out of his truck at the strip club where he intended to buy sex, he lost his long time wife in a divorce. His granddaughter living with him, got hooked on drugs she could now afford, died of an overdose and her body was hidden for months by her boyfriend. Jack lost his business, his money, his reputation and more importantly his Christian testimony.

When he won the Powerball lottery a special issue of his life was published by the WV Lottery in its quarterly magazine. They showed his loving wife and live in granddaughter smiling. Five years later when his life was utterly destroyed he made this statement: “If I had known what winning the lottery would have done to my life and my family, I NEVER would have bought a ticket.” There has been no further comment of Jack’s life since that special issue in the WV Lottery magazine and certainly not his heartfelt, weeping lament. He continues to be, like the first fifty winners of the New York lottery, the best precautionary tale of the Powerball Lottery. (Look him up on the web if you are still unconvinced)

6. Train up a child in the way he should go

If your son or daughter (or grandchild) thinks you feel ‘stuck’ in a life that the lottery will rescue you from, then you have lost your own Christian testimony that God does, and will, meet all your needs. We have to live the life we profess. We have to believe and act upon those beliefs we profess. Again, no Christian should ever participate in the lottery. We prove to the world with our lives that He knows best, and gives us the best, and our gratitude should be passed down to the next generation.

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